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I was sober every time I wrote a story.

Beautiful Butterflies Beating Buttercups
October 20, 2004

Never you mind the title. This story is about a fantastic, far off land, populated by green goblins and orange orcs, ecrue elves and white wizards. Not only that, but hobbits and dwarves as well. I couldn't think of any colors beginning with h or d. In this land there was a strange evil cloud spreading. Everyone thought it was lurking from the East, but little did they know that it was actually coming from inside them. There was a dark lord dwelling in the recesses of their minds. His name was Plucko. He reaped havic on every single thought anyone ever had. If a beautiful innocent elf thought "I'm gonna pick some flowers" Plucko would quickly morphe that thought into "I'm gonna kill some of my kindred now." That's how evil he really was. So that's how everything turned not good. He turned wizards into dark lords and orcs into, well, orcs were already bad. But now they were super bad. So bad that before Plucko got in there and screwed around, they looked like pansies. But before Plucko, things were okay. Kind of like on a cool autumn morning, with the sun shining down through the leaves, and you go outside to marvel at mother nature. Then you decide to go down to the creek to marvel some more, and you fall down in the sand and get it all in your hair and ears. But you don't care because you're tripping acid and everything is so beautiful. That's how it used to be before Plucko. But all good things must come to an end. Plucko was such a horrible beast, he turned the most prestine waters into a murk so foul that not even an Orc dared sup from it. The Elves became ravenous beasts of envy. The Wizards became menacing lords of rage. The hobbits became like leprachauns and stole everyone's gold, and if anyone dared take it back, they would loath the day they did. For Hobbits, becoming like leprachauns, were greedy and selfish. Not only greedy and selfish, but EVIL!!! Doom rained down upon the land of lore, and Hobbits ruled the lands. They chopped up the dwarves with their own axes and took their treasure. They ruined the forests in which the Elves once dwelt. Even Plucko became afraid of the Hobbits. So, if you ever see a Hobbit, run for your life. It won't do you any good, as they can run very fast. But you may as well at least try.
The End.
Taryn Doucet

Rabid CareBears

September 19, 2002


Once upon a day, there was this frenzy. It was caused by some bad mushrooms that the CareBears ate. Well, they went around in the sky biting at the little stars that lived up there w/ them. After they bit all the stars they came down to earth. The earthly inhabitants were pleased to see the CareBears, until they realized that something had gone horribly wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. So fantastical and wrong that even the Devil himself could not look upon this monstrosity. So anyway, the most rabid CareBear of them all, Funshine Bear, was running around biting at butterflies and other small, helpless creatures. You, the reader, may wonder why the bad mushrooms had caused them to become violent. Because, dear reader, the mushrooms were not only toxic, but so toxic and bad that the psilocybin in them frustrated the medulla oblongata. This portion of the brain stem in CareBears is especially sensitive and under normal circumstances, is what makes the CareBears care. Well, back to the story. Funshine Bear had teamed up w/ the green one, I don't know it's name, but it has the clover on it's tummy. They were plotting to summon up the deamons of the evil dead. Among these were Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Joseph Doucet Sr., and Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's. The other CareBears found out what was going on and decided that Funshine Bear and the green one w/ the clover on it's tummy had gone much too far. They offered them a marijuana sigh-grett and they gladly accepted. As the THC slowly set in, they begin to mellow out. But soon after, they went crazy and went on another biting frenzy. This is what happened yesterday. It was pretty scary. The End.


by taryn doucet the first and greatest and sexiest and coolest and the most rad too.


This story was not drug induced. It was merely a figment of my crazed imagination and in no way does it have any reflection on my sanity. Thank you.


Don't Do Drugs

May 23, 2002

 

One time I went to the store to buy some clothes. The name of the store was "We Sell Clothes Here." I went in and looked around. All of their clothes were really tacky, so I left. But before I left, I set the store on fire. Everyone that was in the store turned into snowmen, then quickly melted into oblivion. Later that day I went over to Pubert's house. We rolled up a dubee and smoked til we looked like chinks. We were so blazed that we ate all the food in the house. The next day, as I was driving to school, I passed this really familiar looking car. It was a black civic with clears and yellow rims. Except it only had 3 rims. I couldn't remember who it was that owned the car so I quickly forgot about it. Well I was in class and in walks this Fat Mexican Whale. He said to me, "come here we need to talk." I thought, "this whale is nutsack. Here I am, trying to get an edumacation, and he's telling me to come talk to him. This better be important." So I gets up and we walk out into the hallway. Everyone is staring at this whale. I mean, whales live in the ocean. How on Earth is this one up at the school? So he takes me somewhere private and says to me, "don't you remember me?" I think and I think, and I don't recall ever meeting any whales, much less any Mexican whales. So I say, "I'm sorry but, who are you?" I think that made him pretty mad because he blew water on me through his blow hole. I just laughed because I just realized that I was talking to a whale. Then suddenly I remembered I was tripping acid. Sorry I forgot to mention that. This Mexican whale was actually a guy that I used to go out with. Well just then the acid started to wear off and it all became very clear. I was at SeaWorld with this Josh guy. We were just getting ready to leave but I couldn't stand up. I was afraid my legs were going to break. So Josh says to me, "get up you fat lazy bitch! I'm ready to go home and blaze kill and get throwed off the game." I agreed and we left and got in the black civic with clears and 3 yellow rims. We listened to Ludacris and Outkast and SPM all the way home. Well when we got home, which was under a bridge because that was where we lived, under a bridge, we realized that we didn't have any kill. That sucked. So I went to my friend Pubert's house. Well, Pubert and I got really blazed so I forgot all about that guy. The next day I went to the grocery store and saw this thing that said, "If you smoke marijuana, you're killing brain cells." This made me laugh. Then I stared off into space for an hour or so. When I finally came back to Earth I went to the Shell station down the street and talked to some people I didn't know. They told me that I smelled like I had been smoking drugs. This was very amusing to me. Later that day I finally remembered to go home. When I got there, Josh was gone. This was no surprise. Josh was always getting up and leaving for no reason. But then I noticed a note on the side of the concrete thing that holds up the bridge. It said, "Dear Taryn, I've gone to look for kill. If I'm not back by Monday, start looking for my rotting corpse. Love, Josh" I didn't know what day it was, so I just threw the note away. Well, a couple of days later in walks Johnny, I mean Josh, and he has three pounds of this green stuff. We smoke it all, then we pass out. When I wake up I'm in a huge mansion with eight tricked out rides, and I'm the only one living there. I am thinking, "this is really tight."

The End

 


The Thing

March 2, 2000

 

Once there was a thing. No one knew about it, except for this one guy. His name was Crazy Unicorn Man. He always said, "I'm Crazy Unicorn Man. Give me some candy!" Despite the fact that he was very good looking, he was an outcast. Everyday Crazy Unicorn Man would go to town. On his way he would see the Thing. Sometimes the Thing would talk to him. Once the Thing even tried to kill him. Poor Crazy Unicorn Man. He never hurt nobody. He just wanted some candy. Back to the story! Crazy Unicorn Man was walking to town one day and the Thing crawled out of a culvert. Today the Thing looked like a clown. Crazy Unicorn Man was afraid of clowns. He began to get scared, but he decided not to panic. The Thing had some balloons. It walked up to Crazy Unicorn Man and held one out to him. Well, this surprised Crazy Unicorn Man, but he took the balloon anyways. He didn't want to piss off the Thing. It had wonderfully terrible magical powers and it could do anything It wanted to Crazy Unicorn Man. The balloon was very big and it was bright purple with silve stars. Crazy Unicorn Man continued walking down the street. The Thing crawled back into the culvert; His home. Crazy Unicorn Man began to ponder over why the Thing had given him a balloon. Just as this thought began to leave him, the round, tight balloon popped loudlyand blood splattered all over Crazy Unicorn Man. The blood was dark red and had thick chunks of putrified flesh in it. Crazy Unicorn Man began to scream, "NOOOOO! They're all gonna laugh at ME!!!" He cried and screamed and jumped in a lake that happened to be nearby. By-standers stared at Crazy Unicorn Man in disbelief. Some thought that maybe he had been stung by a bee. Others simply dismissed the scene. Crazy Unicorn Man was not crazy, but he was known to do weird insane things for no reason. Later that night, as Crazy Unicorn Man was getting ready to go to sleep, a balloon appeared in his window. He did not see it and went to bed, completely oblivious to the danger lurking just outside his room. The night passed without the shedding of blood. Crazy Unicorn Man woke up and made his bed. When he walked into the kitchen to eat his candy, he noticed a letter on the table. He read, "Dear Crazy Unicorn Man, today is your lucky day. Today you will receive a lot of candy. All you have to do is go to the culvert by the park. Wait there for ten minutes. Do not tell anyone what you are doing." Crazy Unicorn Man crumpled up the letter and threw it away. The next day he went to town. He turned into Adam Sandler and got married to Taryn Doucet. They lived happily ever after.

The End.